You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
