Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
