do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
