So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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