For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
