We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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