I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Everyone says I win the strip club
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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