Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
