I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
