I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
