Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
