Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
