hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
