I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
