Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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