Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
