Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
