oh god the rape fog is back!
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
