we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
porn star boner night. come get it.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
