And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
