about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize