You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
