So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
