he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm too high and old for this...
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
