A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
