Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
