Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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