Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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