my room smells like sperm. sweet.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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