dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is Oprah even human
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
