I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
