i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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