btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
