I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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