I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
