I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
