Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
