I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
