just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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