I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
