R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
