Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
