Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Randomize
