She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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