I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
