you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
