We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
