Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
