I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
