I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
