he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
