He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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