Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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