glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
